sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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