I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
