I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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