Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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