Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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