It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
