I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
