He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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