no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
