I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
