Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
