I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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