I think I died a long time ago.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
