I CAN MOONWALK!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
