Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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