She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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