I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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