Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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