You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
