so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
