i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
