Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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