I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
