youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
