I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And then the night went full on bisexual.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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