just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my sisters under your porch take her home
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
