Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
