Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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