Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
