Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize