My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
