my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
