took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
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Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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