My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
