this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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