you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
