I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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