I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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