Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
