I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
