Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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