Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
