And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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