Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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