Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
