I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
