32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
