I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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