I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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