i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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