Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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