woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
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I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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