He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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