I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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