Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
