Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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