soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
