I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
