Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
