i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Is it because I queefed?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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