Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
