i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
