My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
