So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
