hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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