Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
there was a trapeze. enough said
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
