He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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