If i come over, it means nothing
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
