Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Too much gin, very little bucket
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
there is puke in my bra ... again
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
