On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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