It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
