Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
