I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
