the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
they're like a gay fantastic four
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
