hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
