I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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