I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize