ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
