You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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