Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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