First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
