My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
