i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
