He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
