Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
