I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
