If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
