Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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