does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
