worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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