I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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