Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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