I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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