she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
