That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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